Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
