You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
