saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
