Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
