the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
