I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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