Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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