the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
