well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
