Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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