It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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