i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You may now shotgun with the bride
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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