Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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