The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
