Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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