Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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