she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
