I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
