note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
