So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
