the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize