The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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