I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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