a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
