new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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