Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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