And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
