Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize