it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
