Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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