I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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