So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
