why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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