i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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