She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
