can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize