I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
