I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
