You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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