dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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