I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
