i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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