i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
