I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
