Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
