Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
