That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
