Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
