i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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