You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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