The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
