and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
