She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
