How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
