Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.

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(+91): View more from India

Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.

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(406): View more from Montana

you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob

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(303): View more from Colorado

Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.

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(757): View more from Virginia

also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober

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(734): View more from Michigan

Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.

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(315): View more from New York

I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?

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(406): View more from Montana

I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex

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