haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
