all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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