"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
