she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
