it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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