DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
