Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
