He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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