I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
