the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
