If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
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