I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
