Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
