i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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