Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Randomize
